$hide=home

Popular Categories$show=/search/label/Labels

$show=post

Surprising Dating Advice for Finding Love After 40


By Sara Stillman Berger, Oprah Magazine

If you’re single and over 40, chances are your BFF, your parents, your siblings, and maybe even the stranger in the checkout line, are all offering you their unsolicited dating advice. While Aunt Debby may have a point, we'd rather leave it to the pros. So we spoke to a handful of dating coaches and relationship experts, and asked them to share their best tips for dating after 40. Read on and find love.


When you're done being patient...be patient.

Whether you just left a bad marriage, or have been in the dating world for decades, it makes sense to feel like it's your turn to find love. “Singles over 40 often have an Amazon Prime mentality when it comes to dating,” says relationship expert and founder of Smart Dating Academy, Bela Gandhi. “They want to check off a few boxes and have the perfect candidate arrive at their mailbox in 48 hours.” It's important to be patient and to stay positive, she says. Think of your frustration like a blizzard-it will do nothing but delay the delivery.


Remember, you're exactly the right age to find true love.

When you're wondering if your smile lines are stopping Mr. or Miss Right from swiping right, it's easy to forget that if you were ten years younger you wouldn't be who you are right now. Relationship expert Dr. Juliana Morris says love connections at an older age can be even more profound.

"When you own where you are in your life, who you are, and are confident in your values and personality, you are more likely to find someone who is better suited for you," she says.


Keep trying new things.

“Be the single you want to meet,” says Tammy Shaklee, relationship expert and founder of H4M Matchmakers. One way to do that is to constantly explore new hobbies and interests. That way, she says, "you'll have exciting things to discuss on a date, whether it's travel plans, the latest restaurant, or even new places and activities going on in your city." When you're the best version of yourself, "it can be magnetic," says Shaklee.


Don't get hung up on what you think you want.

If you know right away whether your first date is worthy of a second, you're setting yourself up for failure. Intuitive dating coach Nikki Novo says this is a common mistake. "Dating in our 40s typically means we know what we want, and we feel pressed to find it quick!" she says.

"But eliminating fast is often the strategy that prolongs our single status." She warns that there is a thin line between "going with your gut" and being judgmental. (Are excuses like 'I don't like how their apartment smells,' really deal-breakers?) Before saying "see ya never," ask yourself if the person has other qualities that might be worth another look.

But do think positively.

"After a couple of decades of dating experience, it can be easy to assume you will be disappointed," says dating coach Lily Womble. But that cynicism is only working against you. Sunny Joy McMillan, relationship expert and author of Unhitched, agrees. She recommends replacing your doubts with optimism. For example, she suggests changing your mindset from “dating is scary and difficult” to “dating is fun and easy.” Dissolving any pesky thoughts will help you date with positivity.

Embrace your baggage.

It's safe to assume most people have something they're struggling with. Morris suggests reframing “baggage” as “life experience,” and Erika Ettin, dating coach and author of Love at First Site has found this to be true. For example, Ettin says, one of her clients didn’t want to date a man because he took care of his grandson. But Ettin helped reframe it as a positive. “It showed that he was dedicated to his family,” says Ettin, who encouraged her client to give it a shot. “She now has a newfound love of chicken fingers at Friendly’s.”


Resist dating someone who reminds you of an ex.

"It can be tempting to go out with a person who reminds you of someone you've already had a relationship with," says Lane Moore, author of How to Be Alone. And while there's something to be said for familiarity, if love didn’t work then, why would it work now?

To stop history from repeating itself, Moore recommends finding ways to heal, whether that means going to a therapist or doing some soul-searching. “Healing is the only way to date a person who isn't similar to someone who is unhealthy for you,” she says.

Hire a dating coach.

Just like a trainer at the gym helps you push yourself, a dating coach kicks your love life into shape. "In every area of our lives, we hire people to help us," says Gandhi. "Yet when it comes to love, we think it should happen organically." As a coach, Gandhi helps clients with everything from writing online dating profiles to teaching folks how to message effectively. "Coaching offers services and products that are designed to improve our clients' success," says Keren Eldad, who created the program Date With Enthusiasm. Eldad recommends searching Linkedin for a dating coach that melds with your personality, is ICF certified (that stands for International Coaching Federation), and has a proven track record.

Create a truthful online dating profile.

"Do not modify who you are, do not copy someone else's profile, and for goodness sake," says Eldad, "stay away from trite quotes." To attract the kind of person you want to be with, it's most important that 

your profile reflects your authentic self. "

In short, "don't fake your age, height, or anything else for that matter," she says. "You don't want to start off with dishonesty." Instead she says, if you love a certain fantasy novel, talk about it. If you like to dance, ski or go on walks with your dog, mention that. "You are unique and awesome, so show up that way. You will connect with another person as the true you."

Pick a couple of apps that feel right.

So, how do you know which apps are best for you? If trial and error sounds stressful, take Novo's guidance: If you have "stranger danger" Bumble is great, because it allows you to make the first move, she says. But if you like to be pursued, she recommends Match.com. And for those who feel most comfortable knowing there's a social connection, she likes likes Hinge because it matches based on common friends.

But, don't rely on apps alone.

If all that swiping starts to feel overwhelming, shut it down. In fact, a lot of people over 40 miss dating IRL, according to Novo, who says her clients have the most success when they hang out at places that make them feel good, like a bar that plays their favorite music, at a cozy independent coffee shop, or by joining a running or fitness community-if that's your thing. "Don't discount referrals or meeting by chance, just because everyone else seems to be using apps," she says. If you date in a way that feels right for you, you'll be more successful.

Make the first move.

"One of the freedoms of being older is knowing what you want and being able to ask for it," says Morris. So, if you think you may be interested in someone, you shouldn't hesitate to be the first one to initiate a conversation, or ask that person out-or even go for the kiss.

"By the time most people are 40, they can handle acceptance and rejection equally," she says. So use the confidence that comes with age to your advantage. It provides an opening that many younger people miss out on.

Be present.

The stakes can feel higher when dating in your 40s and beyond, says McMillan. "Each party has more life experience, and often more kids." This can turn a simple first date into a "future trip of epic proportions." But instead of jumping ahead and wondering how your kids will get along, take dating one step at a time. "We are most powerful in the present moment," says McMillan, "So use that power to your advantage when dating, and keep your attention on what is immediately in front of you." 

COMMENTS



|Featured Content_$type=three$c=6$l=0$m=0$s=hide$rm=0


Made with in NYC
Name

4th of July,7,Abu Dhabi,2,Accessories,234,Acne,13,Adventure,32,Adventure Travel,638,Advice,295,Africa,26,African Food,2,AIDS,1,Air Travel,150,Alabama,5,Alaska,20,Alberta,1,Alcohol,4,All About Beer,1,All About Wine,2,Alternative Treatments,4,America,77,American Food,5,Amsterdam,2,Android,11,Anguilla,3,Animal,367,Animal Health,1,Animals,103,Anniversary,1,Anniversary Cake,11,Antarctica,7,Anti-aging,49,Antigua,3,Appetizers & Snacks,2,Apple,11,Apps,16,Argentina,15,Arizona,19,Arkansas,2,Armenia,1,Asia Travel,47,Asian Food,7,Asthma,4,Athens,3,Austin,8,Australia,92,Australian Food,1,Austria,13,Autism,1,Auto Insurance,1,Auto Show,52,Autos,46,Azerbaijan,1,Baby Shower Cake,29,Back Pain,25,Bags,10,Bahamas,13,Balance Work & Life,50,Banana Cakes,2,Bangladesh,8,Barn Finds,1,Bathroom,43,Be a Better Manager,33,Beach Travel,58,Beaded Dress,2,Beards and Shaving,29,Beauty,1888,Beauty & Style,35,Beef Recipes,7,Belarus,1,Belgium,9,Belize,15,Bermuda,5,Best Products,17,Better Partner,40,Beverages,3,Bhutan,9,Bills to Pay,35,Birds,4,Birth Control,1,Birthday Cake,109,Blue Lagoon,2,Blueberry Cake,11,Bolivia,3,Botswana,3,Brazil,38,Bread,11,Breads,1,Break Room,12,Breakfast & Brunch,6,Breakup,19,Breakups,3,breast,1,Breasts,69,Broken Hearts,5,Brownie,8,Brunei,1,Budget Travel,97,Bundt Cake,30,Business Skills,102,Butter Cake,52,Buying,1,By Region,3,Cake Decorating,113,Cakes,54,California,109,Cambodia,4,Camera,6,Canada,80,Cancer,73,Car Shows,1,Car Tech,2,Caramel Cake,5,Career,223,Career Advice,298,Career Choice,125,Career Growth,180,Career Paths,24,Career Problem,8,Caribbean,45,Caribbean & Mexico,5,Carrot Cake,22,Cats,49,Celebrity,17,Celebrity Dress,2,Celebs,1,Ceremonial Cake,9,Certified Pre-Owned Vehicles,1,Cheese Recipes,4,Cheesecakes,251,Chicago,7,Chicago Auto Show,2,Chicken Recipes,14,Chiffon Cake,5,Children's Health,21,Chile,7,China,21,Chocolate Cake,395,Christmas,35,Christmas Cake,23,Christmas Travel,14,Classic Cars,39,Cleaning Tips,144,Clinical Practice,1,Clothes,1,Cocktail Recipes,2,Coconut Cake,21,Coffee,1,Coffee Cake,15,Coliseum,1,Colombia,18,Colorado,32,Columbia,3,Communication,2,Companies,2,Compassion,2,Computing,16,Connecticut,4,Consumer Electronics Show,5,Cookies,10,Cooking,8,Corporate Travel,2,Costa Rica,13,Country Travel,249,Creative,309,Creative Idea,22,Creative Ideas,37,Croatia,15,Cruiser Travel,16,Cuba,18,Cultural Travel,66,Cupcake,322,Customs & Classics,2,Czech Republic,6,D.C.,2,Dandruff,1,Dating,18,Dating Advice,73,Dating Advice for Women,22,Dating Tips,13,Decor,23,Decorating Ideas,181,Delaware,1,Demotivational,636,Denmark,12,Dental Health,26,Dentistry,1,Depression,24,Desert Travel,1,Desserts,3,Detroit Auto Show,4,Diabetes,25,Diet,131,Dining Out,3,Dinner,14,Disease,116,Diverse,1,Divorce,16,DIY,112,DIY Fashion,34,Dogs,156,Doughnuts,5,Dress,29,Drink,27,Drinks,1,Drinks & Cocktails,4,Driving,3,Drugs,3,Dubai,15,Ears,2,East Africa,4,Easter,1,Easter Island,1,Easter Travel,1,Eco Travel,18,Ecuador,7,Education,88,Eggs,3,Egypt,4,Electronics,4,Electronics and Gadgets,2,Emirates,1,England,13,Entertainment,148,Enthusiasts,131,Entrepreneurship,40,Estonia,2,Eswatini,1,Ethiopia,2,Europe,110,European Food,8,Exercises,51,Eye,300,Eye Health,28,Eyebrow,56,Eyelash,20,Face,54,Facts,284,Fall Travel,43,Family,16,Family Travel,128,Faroe Island,1,Fashion,395,Fashion for Kids,2,Fashion for Man,12,Fashion for Woman,31,Fat Loss,91,Father's Day Cake,4,Father's Day Travel,1,Featured,218,Features,1913,Fertility,2,Festival Travel,25,Fiji,6,Finance,6,Finland,16,Fish & Seafood,13,Fitness,1177,Fitness & Exercise,219,Florida,69,Food,141,Food and Drink,14,Food Recipes,7,France,37,Frankfurt Motor Show,2,Free Travel,3,French,6,French Polynesia,5,Friendship,40,Fruit & Veggie Recipes,8,Fruitcake,70,Fruits,4,Fuel Economy,1,Fun,42,Funny,546,Gadgets,31,Galapagos,3,Games,12,Garden,24,Gardening,276,Gearheads,1,General,7,Geneva Motor Show,3,Georgia,14,Germany,18,Get Healthy,63,Ghana,2,Girlfriend Grooming,10,Google,15,Graduation Cake,2,Gratitude,11,Greece,37,Green Living,5,Greenland,1,Grooming,89,Guatemala,2,Hair,1264,Hair Care,317,Hair Color,299,Hairstyle,65,Hairstyles,855,Halloween,41,Halloween Cake,12,Halloween Travel,9,Happiness,19,Hawaii,53,Hayden Panettiere,1,Headache,22,Health,1730,Health & Fitness,300,Health Care,491,Health Insurance,1,Healthcare Tech,6,Healthy,12,Healthy Drinks,31,Healthy Eating,186,Healthy Habits,159,Healthy Living,345,Hearing,1,Hiking Travel,63,HIV/AIDS,4,Holiday Travel,28,Holland,1,home,31,Home & Garden,205,Home and Decor,483,Honeymoon Travel,128,Hong Kong,13,Horoscope,31,Hot Rod Power Tour,1,Hotels,71,Housekeeper,8,Hungary,3,Ice cream Cake,21,Iceland,41,Idaho,4,Ideas,11,Illinois,13,Imports,1,Impress a Girl,20,Impress Women,4,Independence Day Travel,1,India,36,Indiana,5,Indonesia,13,Indoor Gardening,69,Industry,5,Inspiration,58,Insurance,5,Internet,19,Internship,8,Interview Skills,37,Investing,12,iPad,2,iPhone,6,Iraq,1,Ireland,36,Island,60,islands,2,Israel,9,Italy,56,Jamaica,8,Japan,44,Jealousy,2,Jewelry,13,Job Search,47,Jordan,6,Just For Fun,2,Kansas,6,Kentucky,2,Kenya,2,Kids & Pets,10,Kitchen,67,Koala,1,Korea,2,Kyrgyzstan,1,Labels,1,Lamb,2,Laptops,4,Latin America,3,Latin American Food,1,Latvia,1,Laundry,6,Layer Cake,95,Leadership,44,Legs,1,Lemon Cake,18,Life,1,Life Hacks,275,Lifestyle,1568,Lips,134,Lithuania,2,London,24,Long Distance Relationship,24,Los Angeles Auto Show,14,Louisiana,9,Love,165,Lowa,4,Lunch,5,Luxembourg,1,Luxury Travel,35,Maine,6,Maintenance,3,Makeup,608,Makeup & Beauty,11,Makeup Tips,77,Malaysia,1,Maldives,15,Malta,2,Mango Cake,3,Manicure,10,Marketing,10,Markets,11,Marriage,97,Marshmallow,3,Maryland,6,Massachusetts,9,Massage,5,Mauritius,6,Meditation,35,Men & Women,18,Men's,4,Men's Health,14,Menstruation,21,Mental Health,302,Mexico,74,Miami,13,Michigan,5,Microsoft,6,Middle Eastern Food,2,Mind,3,Mississippi,2,Missouri,7,Mobile,22,Moldova,1,Monaco,1,Money & Career,21,Monkey,1,Montana,12,Morocco,20,Mother's Day Travel,1,Motherhood,16,Motivation,2,Motorcycles,106,Motorsports,2,Mousse,2,Muffins,9,Mug Cake,14,Multiple Sclerosis,1,Muscle Cars,4,Muscle Cars & Hot Rods,3,Muscle Gain,2,Myanmar,9,Nail Art,195,Nails,252,Namibia,4,Nature,4,Nature Travel,102,Nepal,6,Netherlands,11,Nevada,23,Nevis,1,New Bikes,2,New Car Deals,1,New England,5,New Jersey,2,New Mexico,6,New Year Fashion,6,New Year's Day Travel,6,New York,55,New York Auto Show,3,New York City,20,New Zealand,47,Newfoundland,1,Newlyweds,4,News,334,Nicaragua,2,North America,11,North Carolina,6,North Dakota,1,North Ireland,1,Northern Ireland,1,Norway,20,Nutrition,447,Occasional Travel,9,Oceania,1,Offbeat,564,Ohio,6,Oman,5,Online Date Tips,2,Operating Systems,2,Oral,4,Oregon,10,outdoor,3,Outfits,166,Ownership,61,Pain,24,Painting,16,Pakistan,2,Panama,5,Pancake,19,Panda,1,Panna Cotta,3,Paraguay,1,Parenting,371,Paris,23,Paris Motor Show,4,Pasta,2,Pastry,7,Pebble Beach Concours d'Elegance,2,Pedicure,4,Penguin,4,Pennsylvania,10,People & Places,88,Perfumes,14,Personal Finance,164,Peru,21,Pets,208,Phoenix,1,Photo Feature,1,Pie,27,Pimple,3,Plum Cake,1,Poke Cake,10,Poland,3,Popular Ingredients,26,Pork Recipes,7,Portable Media,14,Portugal,21,Pound Cake,55,Prague,1,Pregnancy,112,Premium,1,Printer,2,Protein Bars,1,Psychology,1,Pudding,9,Puerto Rico,7,Pumpkin Cake,45,Qatar,6,Quick & Easy Recipes,11,Real Estate,72,Recalls,4,Recipe,1098,Recipes,52,Recipes & Meal Ideas,3,Recipes By Course,5,Relationship,167,Relationship Advice,180,Relationship Advice for Men,23,Relationship Advice for Women,27,Relationship Problems,58,Relationship Secrets,14,Relationships,185,Research,94,Resort,11,Restaurants & News,13,Resume,11,Retirement,10,Reviews,1,Rhode Island,2,River Travel,2,Road Trips,49,Romania,4,Romantic Getaways,15,Rome,5,Russia,16,Safety,5,Saint Lucia,1,Saint Patrick's Day Travel,1,Salad,6,San Miguel de Allende,1,Science & Tech,66,Scotland,10,Seasonal,56,Seasonal Travel,59,Security,9,Self Help,14,Self-Care,3,SEMA Show,5,Senior Relationship,2,Sex,7,Sexual Health,19,Shanghai Auto Show,7,Shaving,1,Sheet Cake,20,Shirt,4,Shoes,29,Shopping,10,Shots & Shooters,1,Side Dishes,4,Sightseeing Tours,2,Singapore,18,Ski Resorts,10,Skin,429,Skin Caare,1,Skin Care,609,Sleep,62,Slovenia,6,Small Business,163,Smartphone,28,Smile,1,Smoothies & Juices,3,Snacks,1,Social Media,44,Solo Travel,24,Solomon Islands,1,Somoa,1,Soth Africa,1,South Africa,14,South America,3,South Carolina,4,South Dakota,5,South Korea,3,South Pacific,2,Space Travel,14,Spain,33,Special,46,Special Cake,579,Special Feature,113,Special Features,490,Sponge Cake,15,Sports,22,Sports and Exotics,4,Sports Cars,8,Spring Travel,23,Squirrel,1,Sri Lanka,6,Strawberry Cake,22,Street Fashion,8,Stress Relief,35,Stroke,2,Student Travel,1,Style Guide,25,Summer Travel,53,Summer Vacation,8,Supercars,10,Sweden,19,Swiss Alps,1,Switzerland,20,Tahiti,1,Taiwan,3,Tanzania,1,Tarts,12,Tattoos,81,Taxes,7,Teas,2,Tech,89,Tech Advice,12,Tech Education,7,Tech Hacks,19,Tech Updates,2,Technology,18,Teen Advice,4,Teeth,5,Tennessee,6,Texas,57,Thailand,31,Thanksgiving Cake,4,Thanksgiving Travel,5,Therapy,3,Things to Do,165,Tibet,2,Tips,264,Tips & Tricks,6,Tokyo Motor Show,2,Tools & Skills,16,Top Stocks,1,Top Stories,1,Traditional Cake,4,Train Travel,23,Training,1,Transportation,22,Travel,1041,Travel Advice,64,Travel Apps,1,Travel Guide,40,Travel Tips,149,Trends,7,Trucks,1,True Health,5,Tunisia,2,Turkey,10,Turkish,1,Tuscany,1,TV,2,UAE,10,UK,40,Ukrine,1,Understanding Women,28,Urban Travel,47,Uruguary,1,USA,629,Utah,12,Uzbekistan,1,Vacation Travel,245,Valentine's Day Cake,7,Valentine's Day Travel,1,Vanilla Cake,17,Vegetables,3,Vehicle Travel,2,Venezuela,1,Vermont,4,Victoria Falls,1,Video,5,Vietnam,5,Virginia,5,Waffles,3,Washington,15,Washington DC,20,Waxing,19,Web & Social,17,Wedding,87,Wedding Cake,549,Wedding Dress,30,Weddings,60,Weddings Travel,4,wei,1,Weight Gain,29,Weight Loss,755,Weird,172,Wellness,193,West Indies,2,Wi-Fi,2,Wildlife Travel,13,Winter Travel,56,Wisconsin,5,Women Lifestyle,23,Women's,689,Women's Health,173,Work Environment,77,Workout,8,Workouts,81,Worldwide,155,Wyoming,2,xxx,1,Yemen,1,Yoga,85,YouTube,3,Zadar,2,Zambia,3,Zimbabwe,4,
ltr
item
dearJulius.com: Surprising Dating Advice for Finding Love After 40
Surprising Dating Advice for Finding Love After 40
https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4psiQJKuuCQ/XGgY5HG6CaI/AAAAAAAAMrA/7R-ISHJ2R_cQKCtk3D0WKf0ZaK20vRiVwCLcBGAs/s1600/Surprising%2BDating%2BAdvice%2Bfor%2BFinding%2BLove%2BAfter%2B40.jpg
https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4psiQJKuuCQ/XGgY5HG6CaI/AAAAAAAAMrA/7R-ISHJ2R_cQKCtk3D0WKf0ZaK20vRiVwCLcBGAs/s72-c/Surprising%2BDating%2BAdvice%2Bfor%2BFinding%2BLove%2BAfter%2B40.jpg
dearJulius.com
https://www.dearjulius.com/2019/02/surprising-dating-advice-for-finding_16.html
https://www.dearjulius.com/
https://www.dearjulius.com/
https://www.dearjulius.com/2019/02/surprising-dating-advice-for-finding_16.html
true
673833072858841524
UTF-8
Loaded All Posts Not found any posts VIEW ALL Read More Reply Cancel reply Delete By Home PAGES POSTS View All RECOMMENDED FOR YOU LABEL ARCHIVE SEARCH ALL POSTS Not found any post match with your request Back Home Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat January February March April May June July August September October November December Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec just now 1 minute ago $$1$$ minutes ago 1 hour ago $$1$$ hours ago Yesterday $$1$$ days ago $$1$$ weeks ago more than 5 weeks ago Followers Follow THIS PREMIUM CONTENT IS LOCKED STEP 1: Share to a social network STEP 2: Click the link on your social network Copy All Code Select All Code All codes were copied to your clipboard Can not copy the codes / texts, please press [CTRL]+[C] (or CMD+C with Mac) to copy